Signs of Our Times

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.

Italian Hotel Brochure: This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

Rome hotel: Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire to come out.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extrcted by the latest Methodists.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

Polish Tourist Brochure: As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed.

French Hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trouser.

French Restaurant Menu: Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.

Madrid Hotel: Peoples will left the room at midday of tomorrow in place of not which will be more money for hole day.

In a men's clothing store: 15 mens wool suits -- $10.00. They won't last an hour!

On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.

In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11AM to 11PM Midnight.